disintegration

i have a new found fancy for the word integrate/integration/integrity/integer/integral. integer implies numbers, specifically whole numbers. integration is to bring into wholeness, to unify, like a magnetic storm. integrity is a state of being intact, undiminished, principaled. i floated through this maze of word forms while receiving a body healing session. i like it, the integration of these concepts are orbiting an integer, an integral awareness....but first there is disintegration that needs to occur, which is what i am experiencing. this is the tao of me, disintegrate in order to reintegrate the needed parts.

this is death, this is disintegration...
reintegration of dissipated parts
rearranged in a mosaic of memory
like life flashing before my eyes, dying moments,
memories of fire
memories of blood,
of ice and wood,
dormant seeds sprouting in winter
growing phantom fruits,
birthing this season of death,
each breath is my last;
each one, my first ever.

this is death, remembering disintegration,
recalling the recipe for a funeral,
flowers for fire,
salt for blood,
ash in the eyes--
ash upon the soil...
soil employed by passing seasons, progressing,
growing and falling away.
soil in this abundant cemetery:
dense matter scattered over the sea's boundary.
the gates to the underneath
are guarded by blood, unlocked with blood...
living blood bordering death,
birthing death, each breath
my last
my first