hard hearted, hard headed, head hearted

when you
co/inside with me
I soar,
bound/less. I
am un
touchable and
dissolving
every    thing.
when we co/inside
we are time/less
in space more
like bliss.

when I men/tally weigh
my feelings a/bout you:
eye sore in|complete disarray.
I defeat|her wings
and rue/in
this dream.
when I men/tally way
my head
a/bout love
my thots be come
dis/traction
for surr/ender.

it is hard,
this heart.
I mean,
it is hard.
to hear.
too listen to.
to follow.
but I fall low.
being hard
headed.
in the wrong.
direction.
that is no
where. some
where in the middle of
it. all. I know is I
hate being. here.
with
out_you.

explicable

passing time, these
daze, con/fusing
mind tricks exposed
as being just that. a
subtle ruse again/st
myself. so. what
then?

this is coward/ice:
to open a woman
‘s heart, only to
dis/appear else
                      where
I can
     not be found.

this mis/take, a missed
chance taken
for granted.

a mist|rust settles in.

where then do I find
redemption? how can I
re/cover my heart
with confidence?
having lost so much,
what have I gained?

a lost opportunity, where
we are broken off, de-parted,
instead of some canvas where
we could have deep-arted
ourselves toward to/get/her
heartfullness.

this is becoming
his|tory. of a life.
    

fool's were'ds

quest/I/on:
to know how
I came to man/age this
cons/trained
back/words
sent/I~ment: to catch you
as I was
f/ailing. to recognize
this dis/stress sign/al.

why could I not
believe in this,
but now be-leaving this
behind closed/ors.

you did fall in
      to me~lted in
      to my warmth,
my skin of sun
you t/ouch
with burnt plea/sure.
that love:
a g|if|t:
my presence
wrapped
up in my prison
mind\set like stone.
a mental pun/ishment.

your sweetness
that in/habited
my heart
sailed away from these
ssshhhhh~ores
of silence, s/melted
into iron/ic
sadness. utterly.
tear/full memories.
as now, when
I am left
with nothing
but these. fool’s
were’ds.

the po~it, walking with miles davis

walking these
miles
is kinda
blue
in green
flame-n-co sketches
of spain. forecast
rain
on this parade
of water
falling tears.
so what.
all blues
these
days full
of un ^ filled
dreams.

solo
ph/raises
the quest/ion:
when will i
get it out
figured^
enough to
be-able
just to be.
just.
+sobrIety=
wake
up calls
and scale
notes leading
sky-words.
find some jazz
re-leaf with
in my heart. beat.
the drum.
trump/et this
disgrace.d life.

{of her and blusies:
blues ease
blue seas.
blue skies are
blues keys to
blue eyes.
her ivory keys
pianissimo
like touches
i remember.}

walking these
miles
is kind. of blue.
of jazz.d
re/fresh/mental
clarity.
dis / parity
or
un / equality.
on common ground.
we share this
ab/since we left.
vacant. dim~
?~inished
(f~)
  ~uck!! really?!
i re-fuse to under/
stand though
i must. let go.
of this heart-brake.

this heartbr/ache
is a sigh(t) to be
               hold.
            me.
some
        body please.
i   am
          sin/
                k
                   i
                    n
                    g   

this, life

what life i,
this, of dreams, slowly
wet seas. darkness
alive in thoughts
of lesser evol : love
and its ironic sword.
agony it found
in the silent
garden of its ecstasy. this
rain of suicides driven
by homicide
force of wind. thoughtless
escape into what
greener pastures lie
upon brown autumned ground.

this life i
am unto sickness.
to hesitate.
she sees
me and not. seeing
me. not blues
me or black of heart
me. i am
neither and only
afloat. what
meekness i entrain
and find this,
supposedly yellow,
and it burns.

in the bone of
wild decay
sleep is unfound. no
dreams or night. marrow
and unrelated
to this disjoint. passion/
less than actual art. we
lost common. in the blood
it swirls to a boil yet
there is laughter
where i find lacking
absence. a presence
of foreboding, a body
of evidence unreachable
because of what grows
apart and the distances
become insurmountable. we
speak differently the same
language.

night, with coltrane

unnavigated night, stars
turmoil the black ceiling. far away
points in time. some
fluted universe, poked
holes of air movements
like speech. a trumpet
call forlorns this distance.
punctuated silence. dragging.
a cadence dances on bassed
strings, noted. underpinning
this pining.

you. through the melody. blue
bird. in this dream jazz.
something speaks smiling 
simile, eyes bright. flaming
keys subdued by winter. ever
rising. always descending. your
sight. sound. lessened.

what fate is this? head butts
chest falls. fist grist
in love’s mill. to struggle
inside. a bull
in a ring, and I slay myself.
a bowstring stretched, scratched
across sorrow, blues wailed.
a furrow in my breast. my
starry mind. this night.

but then, trail off toward this
reality. what is here. not
you.  silent suites. prayers?
a heart, a hearth.
this only.

wishful fountain

an aimless
life, such as
this leading to no
where’s no
thing destination. some
where in the middle.
familiar like waking
without sleeping.

emptiness dreamt, colored
blind. murals of thought
bleakened with wishful
paint. wistful. wasteful
and tasteless the ashes
that remain.

wish then, within
this fountain. penniless.
stilled water not running,
nor deeply flowed. flawed
reflection perfect. perfect
defect in silent states.
gravity of graves. stone-like
membraned ice. subbed zero
in primed number. an integer
of integrity. how to measure
retreating tides idly marched
toward backwaters of muddied
mind. my study of time.
space voided by soundless voice.
choice this pro-life aborted
mission. statement of intent.
I will survive
even if it kills me.