not loving you

the way i do not love
you anymore is beyond
the way i did not love you
before when i loved you, never
loving you before. we
measure distance
through silence, a space
filled by endless time.

the way i do not love
you is like letting slip
sand through my hand, like
writing your name in water. you
came from illusion and return
to it, dissolving as one
final tear in my ocean of suffering.

i do not love you anymore
simply because i never loved you,
just the idea of you. and
having loved you not loving you
as you loved me not loving me,
so we will remain here, locked
in this absence. i would rather
grieve over your absence
than over you.

leaving

i came from distance, a memory
of broken fire and disfigured
water, bearing buried
treasures i sought for your
seeking.
and having uncovered
what was there
you found your bitter tongue,
sliver of your own pain
you cast upon my suffering's
proliferation.

your contempt has freed me
of my own conceits, yet
i still hold my hurt, this
heart of mine. only mine
and not for you. i remain,
facing my own path with certainty.
of yours, i can not say
for certain, only:
go, and seek not what i
grow into, as i unfold,
away from you. leave
me no clouded memory, only
the feeling of your departing
silently.

distancing

in between loving and not
loving you i
find some kind of
peace          in between re
                   membering and for
                   getting you i
                   find some kind of
                   bliss

each day is better
than the last     at first
                        the worst

the way you dim
                            inish
from me un
                    til
you are a differ
                          ent
subject of foc
                       us

as time and space
forge this
d      ance
   ist
our new be
                    coming