Monday, June 4, 2018

the 135 lb heart

this heart i hold, an impossible burden, its
skins scars shards hard
to the touch, heavy.
135 lbs of aching flesh, trying to
shed it all, as a long drawn 
out suicide. a heart
that weighs as much as 
me, as much as my
heart outweighs me. an
infinite capacity to love. as
infinite as my capacity
to suffer. the distance between
loving you and suffering
over you, a wilderness of sleep
less nights, in between
two darknesses dragging. i crawl
from loving to not loving
you, alone on these knees,
stuck in the middle of no
where.

why this heart, this burden it
holds me to. laden with all
the loneliest memories
with and with
out you. 
i am this
blank page of suffering written
by your silence. as all hope fades
i cling to my solitary darkness,
tending a tiny flame flickering,
its reaches far from mere
thought, a wordless expanse only
i listen to.

i suffer from loving
too much. i suffer
from loving too little. life
would be better without
love, and should you wonder
whether it would get lonely,
don't worry, it already
is.

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