?am i ha-ha-happy?

if. --
the last word
in the puzzle mind
of possibilities, because.
it's a seed, proto
maybe. the future
for sale, up
for grabs. the highest believer.
do i have faith?
it's not
like i'm happy
or not or
anything, because
i'm perfect
-ly
content. this
is shit, this shit.
and it's gold
-en. real and real
about it. and happiness,
it's a word, and that word
is if.

i can be that
way the way
i am
the focal loci
of the gratitude conspiracy,
just like every
one else.
the way it's all
been made
for me me. or,
but, then again,
well, or. i can
make myself perpetuate. so
are you here?

there were times. fleeting
and maybe
we left souvenirs
precious pieces of scars, scraps
of hearts. remains of joy sorrow
and the echo
shadow imprints. a belief.
it's all for real for real.

you can call it
happiness, a presiding.
lasting? no
moment lasts.
happiness is
accepting this
sufferbeauty, scraping
my soul
offfff the pavement. all
that glitters isn't gold
baby.
it just fucking
glitters.